Molly Mulready is a lawyer, a folk musician and a mother of three @MulreadyMolly

Media discussions about transgender people have taken on a personal significance for me. My son was my daughter until last year, when, after years of hints here and there, and months of him being uncharacteristically tearful and reclusive, he told us he was a boy.

My instinct was caution, determined to shield him from wounding words and quizzical looks and the need to navigate out of this if he was wrong. I said, “Let’s not tell anyone at school just yet. You’re only 12. I promise I believe that you believe you’re a boy right now, but what if you tell your friends and then realise you’ve made a mistake?”

I worried about boyfriends, girlfriends, online bullying and long memories. My happy child, always off exploring with hordes of kids, might be left behind, too weird to be in the gang. He was quiet, but determined, questioned how long he had to wait. I said until half-term – a few weeks away –and if you still feel the same then, I’ll talk to school about you wearing the boys’ uniform.

What I didn’t know then is that people don’t just change their minds about this. I’ve researched and researched and found nothing but evidence confirming that once a person, young or old, comes out, explains their gender isn’t all it seems, that’s that. It isn’t a mistake, a cry for help, or a mental illness – it’s a fact. And the time it most commonly comes to light is when puberty arrives. It’s all so obvious now – it wasn’t then – but the time physical difference becomes apparent is the time the distress of gender dysphoria becomes acute.

A week later, a call from school – my son, so upset he couldn’t speak, had gone to a trusted teacher. He couldn’t bear to be thought of as a girl for one more minute. He was a boy, he wanted to dress as a boy, he didn’t want a red pen cross on his Spanish homework when he’d used the masculine to describe himself. We met with his open-minded, compassionate teachers. I was still urging caution – nothing public, not yet, please, just a little more thinking time. What about peers’ reactions? We mustn’t rush. He explained, through tears, that he would rather people bullied him about being a boy than have to carry on pretending he was a girl. Read more via the Guardian