by Caris White
Coming home for spring term means leaving many things behind at Dartmouth. Almost all students had to abandon campus, in-person classes, sports teams and social groups, all of which are losses we feel acutely. For members of the LGBTQ community, coming home can also mean abandoning or hiding entire components of their identity.
Not all LGBTQ students have to pack up their rainbow flags or leave behind gender-nonconforming clothes when they head home. Some, like me, are lucky to have openly affirming families. However, many LGBTQ students face rejection, homophobia, transphobia and other forms of emotional harm at home.
“Living at home as feels mostly just really really alone, and like I’m lying to [my parents] which sucks, but then when my parents will say things that are transphobic, or when my dad will tell me to feminize myself, it makes me super sad. I’d love to be able to better articulate that feeling, but it’s just an overwhelming sadness because I know I can never come out to them and have them accept me.”
It’s a reflection of my privilege that I feel safe publishing this article under my own name, but for many students, that kind of openness is dangerous. The experience of being queer at home is different for everyone, but the conversations I had this week depicted a spring term marked by stress, sadness, isolation and a few glimmers of hope.
Olivia Kester ’23, who identifies as gay, shared how even though she was brought up in a very accepting environment — a liberal Brooklyn high school and an open-minded family — her gay identity was always on her mind.
“[In high school], I used to have a list of who I had come out to, who I should never come out to and who I wanted to come out to,” Kester said. This caution stemmed in part from Kester’s childhood.
She lived in Abu Dhabi from the ages of nine to 13, which were, as she put it, “the years when people start to figure things out.”
After her family moved to New York, Kester eventually came out to her family and to her high school classmates. She noted her gratitude for the positive responses and acceptance of her identity.