Dede Akolo is a writer and poet born and raised in Vancouver, British Columbia, now based in Toronto, Ontario. Follow them on Twitter @dede.akolo

The car drives by. A white man sticks his head out the window, holds his hands over his chest like breasts, and yells, “Ooh ga, ooh ga,” at my mom. There is not much I can do. Her Black body is so feminine, so sensual, so “thicc.” I see her reflected in me somehow; our bodies exude a definition of “woman,” one that I never agreed to. This body and this life, I never agreed to it.

Let me be clear that my parents love me. I am their second child, born six years after my older brother. My parents met at the University of Lesotho, located just outside the capital. Lesotho is a landlocked country, surrounded by South Africa. My father came by way of Uganda, a refugee. He connected with other Ugandans on campus and they threw parties and drank on weekends. My mother, from Lesotho, born and raised, was a commuter, picked up every day by her father after classes. She was much more introverted. My parents had every class together and became study buddies—my mother studying chemistry, and my father studying environmental engineering. Stories later, they had a son and got married after my father received a scholarship to the University of British Columbia in Vancouver.

I am a transgender, bisexual, non-binary person and I have never told my parents about my gender. I moved from Vancouver to Toronto because I wanted to be away from them. For years, I have used they and them pronouns and worn a binder when I wanted a moment of gender euphoria. I started to stand up for myself more and be more deliberate about who I hung out with; my life improved. I seek this euphoria throughout my life.

Let me be clear that my parents love me. Same-sex marriage is illegal in Lesotho. Statistics on gender inequality in the country are hard to find, so I look to the larger neighbour, South Africa, where same-sex marriage is legal. One in four men in South Africa reported having intercourse with a woman who did not consent. Half those men admitted to raping more than once. “Corrective” rape is rampant, committed predominantly by men firing their masculinity around to “correct” the sexualities of others. On average, 10 lesbians a week have been raped since 2000. This violence permeates beyond the lesbian community. Read more via DailyXtra