Like many observant Jewish women, Sandy Tapnack visits the mikvah at the end of her period in observance of the laws of family purity.

There, she cleans herself thoroughly before immersing in the ritual bath three times while an attendant watches in a practice that Jewish women have followed for thousands of years to ready themselves to reunite physically with their husbands.

But unlike most mikvah users, the spouse waiting for Tapnack at home is a woman — a fact that leaves the 36-year-old attorney nervous during her visits to the Orthodox bath near her home.

“There’s kind of a fear. What if the mikvah lady knew? What if the receptionist who is taking the payment [knew]?” Tapnack said. “That’s the core feeling that comes up. Do I really belong here? Do these people think that I belong here? And I guess at the most personal level, do I really believe that I belong here?”

Tapnack is part of a small but growing group of queer Jews who are adapting the the laws of family purity for their own marriages, even though the rules are all about unions between a man and a woman. Since little guidance exists for those not in a heterosexual marriage, many are relying on informal networks and conversations to explore how the practice fits their relationships.

“[There’s] real movement among folks who may not have seen themselves in the tradition to say, ‘I’m going to find myself in the tradition and if I’m not there I’m going to put myself there,’” said Laynie Soloman, a nonbinary Jew who works as director of national learning for Svara, a queer yeshiva based in Chicago.